#11 Empaths need bigger egos

Ego is bad.. BAD!!! Very very bad! Many spiritual minded people will tell you this in very convincing ways. Ego is like a bad disease and you need to get rid of it in order to be happy. The reality is; you can’t get rid of it! And here’s my go at it. First of all; ego is not bad! But more importantly, you also need it to be able to function at all in this society. Ego is a protection mechanism if you allow it. Ego helps you to balance between and appreciate what life offers you. Ego is not too bad at all!

The problem rises when there is not a need to be met, but an emptiness to be filled

In a black and white world, the ego is about serving self, while the empath is being sensitive and loves to serve others. The question that rises then is: why would the empath so greedily like to help and serve others? Is it a pattern, an unselfish act or strange behaviour? Is it truly because of unconditional love or is there underneath the artificial surface a place of pain that is kept hidden under acts of good deeds?

People generally love empaths because of a human need to receive and will be happily met by the common empath. That is, that a lot of empathic people like the feeling of being needed. Being of service to others is a great deed in their book. The problem rises when there is not a need to be met, but an emptiness to be filled: using the empath to whatever extend he or she feels right to feel good or better, not caring whether or not that hurts the other. And when the empath gets hurt there is one amazing excuse which serves them very well because ‘they understand why they are being hurt’. Let’s put it a little different; they feel sorry because they understand the emptiness they too feel within.

That hidden place of pain is triggered and acts to justify for allowing that pain to happen again when all they wanted to do is help. The empath lacks ego to say: “hey wait a minute, I’ve been through this sh!t before and I’m not allowing to be hurt again”. Because of a lack of ego, they just understand and suffer.. over and over again until they finally get so sick of it that a radical change finally happens. Ego finally kicks in but often in an exaggerated way. And you know what? That’s ok! It’s like learning a new language; you exaggerate first and over time it settles and you’ll be able to speak the language as if it’s your mother’s tongue.

A healthy ego will tell you when it’s time to receive and time to give. It acknowledges your place in society, in a relationship and in all kinds of environments where you interact with people. A good control of your ego enables you to engage with people, benefiting you and the other, using an open form of communication. There is nothing wrong with needing other people to help you and there is nothing wrong with helping others. But not for their or your benefit only. In a good relationship both will benefit from the interaction and actions done and your ego will be there to serve all…. including you!

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